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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in Professor Cooper's InsaneJournal:

    Friday, August 7th, 2009
    11:58 am
    Breaking news out of BBC News this morning.

    Early Britons might have been cannibals.

    And in other news, grey squirrels have now spread so far north that they're nearing the Highlands, so the Scottish Wildlife Trust says the only way to save the native red squirrel is to cull the population of the grey squirrel. Capture them, kill them with a blow to the head. If that makes you sad, just think about it this way: if we don't beat back the population of the grey squirrels, our native red squirrel will be extinct within 50 years.

    Me? I just say this is natural selection, but then again, grey squirrels aren't native to our country.
    Sunday, July 5th, 2009
    6:53 pm
    Friendly reminder: my myth-busting workshop continues through the end of this week, and it is not to be missed. Blatantly stole the idea from this Muggle television show where the cast tests a couple urban legends or myths. Thought about doing something on dissection, as that is my favourite part of science, however we cover a lot of anatomy in class as it is. This, on the other hand, provides something entirely different: lots and lots of explosions. Depending on the popularity, it will be back next year, and possibly for two or three weeks. All ages welcome, and don't worry, your children will be perfectly safe.

    Warded to RLA F/S & A:
    Who challenged me to a drinking contest last night? I demand a rematch.
    Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
    9:53 am
    This disappearing Air France plane is exactly why I have never been on a plane and never will. How anyone can trust a huge piece of metal flying through the air, I'll never know. The same goes for broomsticks, but at least you can fly those yourself. If something goes wrong, it's your damn fault. If something goes wrong with a plane, it might be someone else's.
    Thursday, April 30th, 2009
    9:35 pm
    Warded to RLA F/S & Affiliates
    Cleaned out a few drawers in the science classroom today and made an interesting discovery: banana-flavoured condoms. I have no idea how they got there, since I didn't put them there myself, so I can only assume they were left by a student.

    Finnigan, you didn't happen to hand out flavoured condoms during your sex talk, did you? If so, do you have any other flavours? I'm afraid the wife isn't fond of banana flavouring.
    Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
    10:36 am
    Warded to RLA F/S & Affiliates
    This is fucking fantastic:

    Chimpanzees exchange meat for sex
    Chimpanzees enter into "deals" whereby they exchange meat for sex, according to researchers.

    Male chimps that are willing to share the proceeds of their hunting expeditions mate twice as often as their more selfish counterparts.

    This is a long-term exchange, so males continue to share their catch with females when they are not fertile, copulating with them when they are.


    I always knew there was a reason I liked chimps. There's more on the BBC website, if any of you know how to access that.
    Sunday, March 29th, 2009
    12:28 pm
    Warded to RLA F/S
    Anyone else been keeping up with all of the controversy over the science GCSEs? Just me? Figures.

    Summary: a new science GCSE was created to include updated topics that are more relevant to current events (think global warming and then like). New GCSE? Too easy, too many multiple choice questions, not enough questions that allow students to use their brains and show their work.

    Example:
    GCSE Science (Edexcel, 2006)

    Our moon seems to disappear during an eclipse. Some people say this is because an old lady covers the moon with her cloak. She does this so that thieves cannot steal the shiny coins on the surface. Which of these would help scientists to prove or disprove this idea?

    A) Collect evidence from people who believe the lady sees the thieves

    B) Shout to the lady that the thieves are coming

    C) Send a probe to the moon to search for coins

    D) Look for fingerprints

    What sort of goddamn rubbish is this? That is not even science. I mean, for fuck's sake, an 8 year old should not be able to sit a GCSE exam and score 33 marks out of 60. And what the hell are we teaching our students if 46% think that greenhouse gases damage the ozone layer? 59% (of higher level candidates at that) think that a current in a wire is the goddamn flow of POSITIVE ELECTRONS? We're raising a bunch of morons.

    They should let me write the exams.
    Sunday, March 15th, 2009
    9:54 pm
    Some of my physics students had a brilliant idea last week (I don't say that often; typically, I am the one with brilliant ideas). I spent all weekend thinking about it and I think I have it all figured out.

    I am going to take them to an amusement park.

    Dearest Headmistress, I'll be stopping by your office tomorrow to discuss the possibilities. No, it will not be simply for fun. They will have an extensive project to do at the park, and plenty to do when they return.

    I can't believe I didn't think of this before.
    Monday, February 23rd, 2009
    3:27 pm
    For the past few months, I have been asking my students to turn in a list of ten new facts they learned during each of our units (which should be ungodly easy, considering how much we learn, but you would be surprised how little some students retain). In honour of our units on pathogens and disease, here are a few:

    -More germs are transferred through shaking hands than kissing. [So much for cooties. It'll make you think twice before shaking hands with someone you just met.]
    -Tuberculosis is the leading cause of death for women worldwide (of all the infectious diseases) and over 900 million women have it (a very large number in South East Asia - makes you think twice about visiting SE Asia, right? Right.]

    And this one is an old one, but a favourite:
    -We share 98.4% of our DNA with chimpanzees, and 70% with slugs.

    Think on that next time you find a slug in your garden and consider throwing it over your back fence.

    And this one was from our reproduction unit:
    -US scientists claim that men who ride a bicycle for ten hours or more a week are four times more likely to be impotent than non-bike riders.

    What about men who ride brooms? Food for thought.
    Monday, February 2nd, 2009
    11:21 am
    Warded to RLA Faculty, Staff & Affiliates.
    I do apologise for not mentioning this sooner, but my darling (ha!) wife lost this bloody thing the other week when she was cleaning the house top to bottom. I forgave her, as she looks quite fetching on her hands and knees in the kitchen - but that's neither here nor there. Where was I? Damn. Completely forgot what I wanted to say. That will happen when you find yourself thinking about your wife in the middle of class.

    Now, what did I miss on Friday evening? Nothing, I presume? Never fear; Buckley will be in attendance this week, if the wife lets me (by the way, Terry and Chelsea, your aunt says it has been far too long since you last visited. She'll bake a cake for you.). Perhaps it is time for another lesson in How To Drink Properly.
    Saturday, January 17th, 2009
    6:24 pm
    Warded to RLA Faculty & Staff
    Sweet mother of God, what is wrong with most of you? When I was your age, I was able to drink my uncle under the table and he had been drinking since before I was born. I am highly disappointed. If I could give points to professors, I would give 10 each to Professor Monroe, Mr Bole, and Professor S. Finnigan (many congratulations yet again for contributing to overpopulation). None to anyone else. Perhaps you will be more lucky next time.
    Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
    7:57 pm
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